Meet Me Between Alone and Lonely
by Vestal Virgin
Summary: Voyager is home, and Janeway and Chakotay finally realize they can cross the last barrier between them. This story is a series of short conversations between J/C during the days immediately following their homecoming. (You will find no mention of C/7 in any of my stories, ever.) Thanks to KJaneway115 for the beta. All errors and oddities are solely mine.
1. Chapter 1

The last of _Voyager's _crew exited the Starfleet Headquarters conference room, filing past Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay as they said their goodbyes. For the first time since the ship had landed on the Presidio the prior afternoon, the constant stream of communications, orders, handshakes, and hugs died down. The echo of the heavy door closing faded away until silence descended on the command team in the corridor.

Kathryn and Chakotay turned to each other, and he clasped his hands behind his back as she relaxed her shoulders a fraction. Suddenly, the small distance between them felt like a chasm.

"I don't like saying goodbye."

"Then don't, Kathryn. We'll see each other in a week."

She looked over his left shoulder to the far wall. "Everything will feel so different, won't it? Instead of being within a few meters of each other, I'll be in Indiana and you'll be..." Her eyes cut back to him and she frowned. "Where will you be, Chakotay?"

"Here in San Francisco. Officers' quarters."

"You'll be alone?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"I can't just leave you here."

"Sure you can. I'll be fine, and you need to see your family."

"What will you do?"

A small smile crept across his lips. "Kick off my shoes, put my feet up on the table, maybe leave a dirty cup or two sitting around."

"Come with me." She glanced up into his eyes.

"No, Kathryn. Go see your mother and sister, and all of your other family waiting for you. You don't need me."

"You'll be alone."

"There's a difference between being alone and being lonely."

Her voice softened. "And if you get lonely, Chakotay?"

"Then I'll call my best friend."

"Promise?"

He searched her face and saw the sign that he had been hoping for, that maybe she was waiting for something just as he was. He took a chance. "How about this? Tonight, when everyone else has gone to bed and you're still awake staring out the window, as I know you will be, call me."

"You might be asleep. The family reunion my mother has planned will not be a quiet one."

"I'll stay awake waiting for your call. You can tell me all about the party."

She dipped her head and caught her bottom lip with her teeth. "A whole week, huh?"

"We've been apart that long before."

"It's different." Her chin lifted again, and her blue eyes looked guarded.

"Why?"

"You were my responsibility, Chakotay, just like the rest of the crew. And now," her voice caught with the slightest hitch, "I don't know. I can't explain it."

He allowed a hint of his feelings to show. "The decisions are no longer yours, and the responsibilities have been taken away from you. You feel the loss rather than the relief."

"Yes."

"So do I, Kathryn. Answer one question for me."

"Of course."

"Have I lost you?"

Her answer came immediately. "No, you haven't."

"You haven't lost me, either. I'll be here waiting for you." His cheeks dimpled. "If your reunion gets to be too much, you can retreat to my apartment."

A smile lit her face, but then faded. "You won't come?"

"Not today. See how things go. Spend time with your mother and reconnect with your sister. You can't do that if you have to worry about me."

"I'll worry anyway."

"So will I, so call me tonight."

"I'll call every night." Her words held an undertone of challenge, and a questing for understanding of their meaning.

He responded with assurance. "I would like that."

"I'll see you soon?"

"Yes." He tilted his head toward the main hallway. "Walk me to the transporter?"

She hesitated. "Not this time."

"Why?"

"Because when you go, I'll be alone."

"You're never alone, Kathryn." He held her gaze and let the full force of his love show for a brief moment, then turned to walk away.

"Wait! I don't even know where you live now."

He pivoted his shoulders and looked back toward her. "The PADD is on top of your bag."

"Oh." She glanced over at her luggage on the floor and then smiled. "Tonight, then."

"It's a date."

"Together?"

"Always."

The clip of his boot heels stayed with her long after he disappeared from sight.


	2. Chapter 2

The clock on the mantel read 0223. Kathryn's extended family had finally left just before 0200, and her sister and mother had retired to bed a few minutes after. Kathryn had lowered the lights and then collapsed into an overstuffed chair in the den. A glance at the time reminded her that she had been sitting staring out the window, just as Chakotay had said she would. She smiled at the thought, and then wondered if she should call him so late.

She had promised she would, and decided he would be more upset if she didn't call than if she woke him up. She took the small comm console to the back porch so she wouldn't wake her mother, and keyed in the code to his apartment. He answered almost immediately, a cup of tea in one hand and the other poised above his comm button.

"Chakotay, I'm sorry it's so late. Were you asleep?"

"No, I was still hoping you would call."

As he settled back in the chair, she watched his biceps flex in his snug, white tee shirt. She quickly looked back to his face and tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her ear.

"So, tell me about your family reunion."

"It was very nice. The party overran the house, and into the back and side yards. I have no idea how many people were here, but I'm sure we had a least a ship's compliment." With a small shake of her head, she said, "There were distant relatives here that I haven't seen since I was a child. I'm not sure if they came to see me, or to see Captain Janeway." She grinned at his chuckle. "That didn't make any sense, did it?"

"It made perfect sense. You wonder if some of them only wanted to be in on the biggest news story since the war."

"Exactly. I've been hugged, tugged and fawned over more than I care to admit. Not to mention that I am too old to have my cheeks pinched anymore."

He laughed and sat forward, wrapping his hands around his tea cup. "You do seem rosier than the last time I saw you."

"Ah well, I'm sure that's partially Irish whiskey."

"Kathryn, are you drunk?" he teased.

"No, not much anyway. I had to have something to get me through tonight."

"Well, you look relaxed." His gaze fell to the draped neckline of her black dress and then rose back up to her red tinted lips. "In fact, you look beautiful."

Her cheeks flushed higher. "Thank you. What did you do today?"

"Just what I said I would. I put my feet on the table and read a book. I cooked dinner, had a glass of wine, and read some more. I even left the empty glass on the counter."

She laughed and scooted down in her chair, tilting her body to one side until she was reclined in the corner of the arm.

Chakotay heard a dull thump. "What was that?"

Her eyes twinkled. "My shoes."

"Oh. Heels?"

"Mm hm. Spiked, too. At lease my uniform boots are wedged." She dipped her head and a curl of auburn hair fell over her cheek. "I don't know why I told you that."

"Do you think I've never looked at your shoes? Or the way you rubbed your calves after a twenty-hour day in those uniform boots?"

"You weren't supposed to notice."

"I did try not to be obvious about it." He leaned back in his chair again and grinned.

She eyed the way his shirt stretched across his broad chest, and the way the light fell over his jawline, casting his tattoo into shadow. Maybe it was the combination of the late hour and whiskey loosening her tongue, or maybe it was the comfort of being in her childhood home again after all the hard years of fighting to get there. Whatever the reason, she heard herself say, "Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"I missed you today."

His voice softened and his eyes turned to liquid chocolate. "I've missed you too, Kathryn. I was beginning to feel a little lonely."

"So was I. When my mother and sister weren't next to me tonight, I found myself alone in house full of people."

"Everything feels different, like you said it would."

She nodded. "It will take some time to get used to being home."

"We will all have to adjust to it again. You and I will help each other, and together we'll help the rest of the crew."

She held his gaze. "Like we always have."

"Yes, like we always have."

As she brushed the curl off her cheek, he watched the light play over her hair and wished his fingers were running through it instead of hers.

He knew he'd been caught staring when she asked, "What is it?"

He looked down into his tea cup and smiled. "Nothing."

"Do I have something in my hair?" She ran her hand over the top and through the ends.

"No," he chuckled. "I was thinking, well, never mind. What are you doing tomorrow?"

"What were you thinking?" Her gentle tone invited him to say whatever he'd stopped, letting him know that she wanted to hear it.

He paused and took a deep breath. "I watched you brush your hair off your face, and I wished that I could run my fingers through your hair."

She combed the ends and then rested her hand against her neck below her ear. "I wish you would, too."

Her words were barely a whisper, but he heard them clearly and a nervous flutter tickled his stomach. He didn't want to push too fast, so he smiled an acknowledgement and asked again, "What are you doing tomorrow? Or, later today, I guess I should say."

"We'll be here. I might sleep all day."

"I'm sure you need the rest. You'll call?"

"Yes, I will. Next time it won't be so late."

"Anytime, Kathryn."

"Good night, Chakotay. I'll talk to you soon."

"Sleep well."


	3. Chapter 3

At 2200 hours, Kathryn carried the comm unit to the porch and settled in the chair, pulling her feet up beside her in the seat. Chakotay answered her call on the fourth beep, holding a towel in one hand. His black hair was glossed with moisture that had dampened the collar of his tee shirt.

"Hi. I seem to have interrupted something."

He sat down. "Not at all. I just got out of the shower. One second." He leaned his head to the side and vigorously dried his hair, then tossed the towel out of view and smoothed his hair back.

When he looked back at her and grinned, she laughed. "Feel better?"

"I do. How are you, Kathryn?"

"I'm good. I'm ashamed to say I haven't done a single constructive thing today but sleep, eat, and laze on the porch."

"I would say that was very constructive. You deserve to be lazy."

She smiled softly. "Maybe, but now I'm wide awake with nothing to do."

"You can talk to me. I'm glad you called."

She raised her wine glass to drink, and watched him reach beside his screen and pick up his own wine. Holding hers out in a toast, she asked, "How many times have we done this over years?"

"What?"

"Late night conversation over drinks."

"Too many to count."

"But not enough." Her quiet words sped his heartbeat.

"No, not nearly enough," he answered as he held her gaze.

They each took another sip, uncertain whether to continue along this new thread of openness.

She broke the silence first. "What did you do today?"

"Not much. I went to the park this morning and walked for a while. I spoke with B'Elanna this afternoon. She and the baby are both doing well. I finally unpacked, which took all of about ten minutes." He glanced off to the side for a moment and then back at her. "I thought about you."

"I thought of you all day, too. I started to call after lunch."

"You should have."

"I wasn't sure." She smoothed a wrinkle from her pants, then tucked her feet tighter to her body. When she looked back up, he could see amusement in her expression. "I brought a starship across the galaxy in only seven years, but I couldn't decide whether to call my best friend a few hours earlier than scheduled."

He chuckled and settled deeper into his chair, lifting one ankle onto his other knee. "I know what you mean." With a small shake of his head, he said, "This isn't me."

"What isn't?"

He twirled his glass and gathered his thoughts. "The butterflies; the hesitancy, and knowing what I want to say but being afraid to say it. I feel like an awkward teenager."

A faint flush colored her cheeks, and she trailed her fingers down her jaw. "Then you know I feel."

He watched her delicate fingertips. "Do I?" Her eyes widened, then narrowed again with her one-sided smile. Before she could respond, he plunged ahead. "Kathryn, I want us to be more than friends."

She searched his face before replying, "I do, too, Chakotay." She drank the last of her wine and set the glass on the table, then lounged back again. "I wish we were together right now, but I'm leaving for Paris in a few hours."

"Paris? When did that come up?"

"This morning. My sister has a gallery showing there. She offered to cancel, but she's been working toward this for months. My mother and I are meeting her there to attend the opening."

"It sounds like fun."

"I should be there to support her." He heard an apology in her tone.

"Yes, you should. I'm sure she's looking forward to having you there."

"What will you be doing?"

He grinned and tugged his ear. "I'm having lunch with Harry and his parents."

"Really?" she chuckled.

"I guess his mother found out that I'm here alone. She is one insistent woman."

She tipped her head back and laughed, and he found himself captivated. "I want to hear every detail tomorrow night."

"Of course." He gripped his thighs to stop himself from trying to touch her through the screen. "You're beautiful when you laugh."

She lowered her head, still smiling, and tucked a wayward curl behind her ear. "You're a flirt."

He glanced down and combed his fingers through his hair. "Sorry." He sounded anything but apologetic.

"No, you're not."

His heated look made her skin tingle. "No, I'm really not." The pause in conversation stretched out as their eyes met. He slid his foot to the floor and leaned toward the screen. "You'll call tomorrow?"

"Yes. I can't say when, though. Between the time difference and the gallery functions, I don't know when I'll be free."

"It doesn't matter when, as long as I get to talk to you."

"Goodnight, Chakotay."

"Sweet dreams, Kathryn."


	4. Chapter 4

The time difference meant that Kathryn called before 1800 hours. Chakotay answered on the third beep, and dropped into the chair when he saw her. "Kathryn, you look breathtaking."

Her emerald green gown swept from just below her shoulders into a low V, and her auburn hair was tousled with soft curls that brushed her neck and framed her strong chin. When she smiled, the shimmer of her pink lips caught the light. "The artist's reception was more formal than I expected."

"I certainly wasn't prepared for it."

She glanced down with a nervous chuckle. "Were you busy?"

"I'll have to take the bread out in a couple of minutes, but other than that, no."

"You're baking bread?"

He tugged his ear and smiled. "Yeah. I got a little bored."

"Will you cook for me sometime?"

"I would love to. We'll plan dinner one evening. Any special requests?"

"No, I'll leave the menu up to you. I can bring the wine."

"I'll provide the candles and music."

Unconscious of her fingers caressing her neck under her hair, she realized what type of dinner he was planning. "That sounds lovely."

He watched her hand and wondered if he needed to sit on his to keep from reaching out to her. The chime from the oven saved him. "Tell me about the gallery while I check on the bread." Before he rose from the chair, he turned the comm unit so that she could see him in the kitchen.

While she told him about her sister's paintings and sculptures, part of her mind concentrated on the way his every movement appeared easy and measured. He was a big man and powerfully built, but possessed a boxer's light-footed grace. There was a surety and calmness about him that only came with the experience of age and being comfortable with who he was.

She was startled out of her musing when he sat down and repositioned the comm, and she realized she had no idea what she'd said last.

"Are you all right, Kathryn?"

She glanced away and laid one hand on her chest bared by the low cut gown. "I'm fine."

"You seem distracted."

She looked back and held his gaze, her voice low and sultry when she spoke. "Oh, I was."

He caught her tone and leaned back with a laugh. "I see. You know, you're making it hard for me to carry on an intelligent conversation here." He deliberately roamed his eyes down her cleavage and over the bodice that accented her breasts.

"I considered changing before I called you."

"Oh, no. I wouldn't have missed seeing you like this for anything."

They both looked away, struggling to reign in their reactions to each other. Attempting to salvage the conversation, she asked, "Did you eat lunch with Harry and his parents?"

He rolled his eyes and grimaced. "I did. I lasted for two hours before I made my excuses and fled."

She laughed at that. "Was it that bad?"

"They are eternally grateful to us for bringing their only son back, and insufferably proud of him. Hell, I'm surprised his mother didn't sit in my lap and kiss me."

Kathryn nearly doubled over with laughter, easily picturing Harry's ebullient mother doing exactly that.

"Next time, you're going with me. We'll have a quick cup of coffee and a danish, then we're out of there. I don't think I can withstand a whole meal again."

She nodded and wiped a tear from her eye. "We'll plan evasive maneuvers before we go. You're a master tactician. Surely you can handle one crewman's mother."

He grinned. "Well, I certainly exercised the better part of valor today."

"So, does that explain why you are holed up in your apartment baking bread?"

He covered his face trying to stifle his self-conscious laughter, which only made hers grow louder. "I'm afraid so. I was chased to ground by Mrs. Kim."

It took several moments for them to regain some semblance of control, and the joy between them felt palpable over the comm link.

"I do miss you, Chakotay."

"I miss you, too. Will you be returning to Indiana tomorrow?"

"Yes, we're going back right after lunch. I'll call you."

"Please do. Get comfortable and get some rest."


	5. Chapter 5

Chakotay appeared half asleep when he answered her call in a gray robe draped over his shoulders, revealing his bare chest. His sleepy smile barely dimpled his cheeks. "Kathryn, this is a nice surprise."

"I woke you up, didn't I?" she asked with embarrassment. "We left Paris in the early afternoon, which means it is morning here and even earlier morning for you. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay, love. I've said you could call anytime, and I meant it." He realized what he'd called her, and tried to shake himself fully awake. Only then did he remember that his robe lay open and he wasn't wearing a shirt. He looked down and belted the garment closed. "I can put on a uniform in under two minutes, but apparently not a robe." He chuckled and rubbed his face.

"Why don't you go back to sleep? You can call me later."

"No, please. Let me replicate some coffee, and I'll come right back. I want to talk to you."

She held up her own coffee mug and smiled. "I'll wait for you."

He nodded and then disappeared from view. In a couple of minutes, he sat back down wearing a Starfleet tank and with his hair combed. He took a drink of coffee and settled back in the chair. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes." She turned her head, swept her hair back, and then toyed with the handle of her cup. "I wanted to hear your voice."

"I'm glad you called."

"Did you have a late night?"

"Not really. I just didn't sleep much."

"Why not?"

He swallowed a sip of coffee before answering. "I kept lying there thinking about you."

"Good thoughts, I hope."

He glanced down and then smiled at her. "Very good thoughts."

She raised one eyebrow and smirked.

"Oh! Wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded." When she laughed at his flustered rush of words, he laughed with her. "There's no way out of this, is there?"

"I'm afraid not."

"I guess the short explanation is that I miss you."

"My mother is onto us, you know."

His eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"This, our calls." That light flush he was beginning to adore rose over her cheeks. "It seems I can't stop bringing up your name."

"She's going to tire of me before she even meets me."

"No, not at all. She's looking forward to it. I would ask her to come say hello, but she went to bed for a while. All the activity of the last few days has begun to wear her out."

"I imagine it has. How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine right now, although I expect I'll crash this afternoon. I'm not used to hopping time zones anymore."

He laughed, and then shook his head at her puzzled look. "I was just thinking that we don't hop time zones, only timelines."

She looked to the side and winced. "We do, don't we? You know that's going to come up when debriefings start next week. I have seven years' worth of decisions to answer for."

"We both do, but I suspect that I will be your first decision they want an answer to."

She turned back to him. "You?"

"Yes. Why you made a Maquis criminal your first officer."

"Chakotay, you are not a criminal. Besides, all of the Maquis were granted pardons. You know that."

"A pardon was only necessary because I was considered a criminal in the first place. It's why you were sent after me seven years ago."

After a pause, she smiled and tilted her head. "I found you, too."

He threw his head back and laughed. "That you did."

"What are your plans for today?"

"I'm having dinner with my cousin in Ohio."

"I thought he was working off world."

"He took a few days leave. The way he tells it, when his company found out that he had a relative on _Voyager_, they were falling over themselves to shove him on the first transport back to earth."

"I'm glad you'll get to see some family since your sister can't get here for two more weeks."

He nodded and leaned forward, resting one elbow on his desk and smoothing back his hair. "I don't know when I'll be home. Can I call you tonight?"

"Sure. Have a good time."


	6. Chapter 6

Kathryn felt like a school girl waiting for her first crush to call. For two hours, she had been checking the time every fifteen minutes or so, and it was now 0105. The comm startled her when it did beep, and she sloshed tea on the porch table as she answered.

Chakotay noticed her flustered look. "Kathryn, are you all right?"

She laughed. "Yes, I'm fine. I spilled tea when the comm startled me. Let me grab a towel."

"Sure, I'll wait." He watched as she rose from her seat and entered the house, and was glad she couldn't see his expression. Her cream-colored satin nightgown clung to her hips, and the scalloped hem swayed across her legs at mid-thigh. When she returned, he had to look away from the lace straps over her shoulders and the trim that barely covered the tops of her breasts. It was no more revealing than her green ball gown had been, but the knowledge that she was wearing a nightgown created a much more sensual vision.

Grateful for the reprieve to collect himself while she wiped up the tea, he wrapped his hands tightly around his water glass and leaned back in his chair.

"There, I think that's got it," she commented as she tossed the towel out of view and sat down again. "Hi."

"Hi. I'm sorry it's so late. I just got home."

"Did you have a nice time at your cousin's?"

"I did. I've always liked his wife, and they have three children. Two were born while we were in the Delta Quadrant." He rubbed his hand down his jaw. "I'd forgotten how energetic young children are."

"You were the horse, weren't you?" she asked with a smirk.

"How did you know?"

"It just seems like you."

He frowned. "I seem like a horse to you?"

Her cheeks reddened and she waved one delicate hand through the air. "No, no! I didn't mean that. I meant I can picture you as the 'fun' relative that gets down on the floor and entertains the kids." She rubbed her forehead. "There's no way out of this one, is there?"

He recalled saying those words to her earlier that morning and grinned. "I'm afraid not. So, first I was a bear, and now I'm a horse. You have some interesting notions about me."

She bent over laughing as she remembered asking him if his spirit guide was a bear. He loved to watch her laugh, and decided it was even nicer when he could see her cleavage.

Kathryn noticed the change in his expression. "What are you thinking?"

He chuckled and glanced away, considering what to tell her. When he looked back, he carefully kept his eyes on her face. "I'm thinking that I had a little too much to drink to answer that question."

One eyebrow lifted and her body language turned playful. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"In the interest of my own wellbeing, no, I'm not." One lace strap slipped over her arm, and he glanced down to hide his reaction as she absently pulled it back up on her shoulder. "Definitely not."

"Tease."

His mouth dropped open. "Me? You're the one in satin and lace, and I'm the tease?"

With a flirtatious smile, she said, "I like this side of you."

"Which side? The bear or the horse?"

"No, all man." As soon as she spoke, she clapped a hand over her mouth and her eyes went wide. Chakotay doubled over with laughter and nearly spilled his water before he slid the glass onto the desk. "I can't believe I said that!"

He gasped for breath. "Neither can I, but thank you." Her giggle brought an uncontrolled guffaw from him, and she crossed her arms on the table and put her head down, shaking with laughter.

A full two minutes passed before she finally raised her head and sat back, and both of them caught their breath.

"Kathryn, I like this side of you, too. I love to see you smile."

"I can't remember the last time I've laughed like this." She swallowed a sip of tea, and balanced the cup in her palm as she traced the rim with one finger. "I'm returning to San Francisco the day after tomorrow. I put in a request for quarters today."

"Oh? Do you know where you'll be staying yet?"

She nodded and held his gaze. "Three floors up from your apartment."

"I see." When he leaned forward, she watched his eyes follow the lace across her chest. "You'll be close."

"Very."

He raised one hand to the screen as if touching her cheek. "Have dinner with me that evening."

"Yes." Her small hand lay over his on the screen.

"You'll call tomorrow?"

"I will."

"Goodnight, Kathryn."


	7. Chapter 7

Chakotay couldn't stop thinking about her. On his morning walk in the park, he kept clenching his fist, longing to feel Kathryn's hand in his. Back in his apartment, he cleaned every room and found himself absently wiping the same kitchen counter as he pictured her sitting at the table. Each time he neared his desk, his gaze automatically went to the comm and a deep sigh escaped him.

At only 1017, he was forced to admit that he had crossed that line between alone and lonely. He replicated tea, sat down in front of his comm, and stared at his reflection in the screen. He had spent most of his life on his own, and thought he should be used to it. But then, he had never spent years getting to know a woman quite like Kathryn. He punched in the code, thinking that he'd never met a woman like her before, either.

She answered on the fifth beep. "Chakotay!" Her smile crinkled the dirt streak on her jaw, and she blew a tangled wisp of hair off her nose.

"You were busy, weren't you? I'm sorry to bother you."

"You are not a bother, and I could use a break." She took off the gloves she was wearing and reached back to tighten her ponytail, which stretched her blue tank top across her breasts. "I'm sorry, I must look a mess."

"No, you look wonderful. What are you up to?"

"Gardening," she answered ruefully.

"Talaxian tomatoes?"

Just hearing her laugh pushed away his loneliness. "Not this time. It's a tradition in my family to plant a tree commemorating events. My mother and sister had planted a memorial for me when I was declared lost." She looked down shyly and added, "Mom insisted I help her plant another tree in honor of my coming home. We finished a few minutes ago."

"That's a nice sentiment. I'm sure it means a lot for her to get to plant a new one."

"Yes, I guess it does. What are you doing?"

"Nothing that compares to tree wrestling." He glanced down and rubbed one thumb over the other palm. "I wanted to hear your voice."

"I'm glad you did." She noticed that he spoke more quietly than usual and appeared tense. "Are you okay?"

He looked back up and gave a curt nod. "I'm fine."

"Why don't I believe you?"

He smoothed his hair back and shifted in his seat. "I can't seem to stop thinking of a certain someone."

"Is that so?"

"Yes." He leaned forward. "Petite red-head, brilliant, funny, adorable when she's messy - I'm sure you know her."

Her blue eyes twinkled. "I might, but last I heard, she's taken. There's a certain man who's been right beside her for seven years. The proverbial tall, dark, and handsome. I think it's serious."

"Is she happy?"

A bright smile lit her face. "Yes, I believe I am."

"Then that's all I needed to hear."

Silence stretched between them, and Chakotay felt lighter than he had in years. His question was almost a plea. "You'll be here tomorrow, won't you?"

"I will. You'll be at home tonight?"

"I'll be waiting for your call."


	8. Chapter 8

Kathryn settled on the back porch with a glass of wine at 2300 hours. When Chakotay answered almost immediately, he held a couple of PADDs in one hand, and she could see another on the desk in front of him.

He stacked them all together and slid them out of view. "Hi."

"Hi. Is this a bad time?"

"Not at all." He studied her light blue dress, a soft material that flowed and shimmered when she moved, and brought out the blue in her eyes. "You look great."

"My mother had some people over for cocktails since it's my last night here for a while. A few family and close friends - no cheek pinchers this time," she said with a smile.

He chuckled. "That's good. Otherwise, I might have to have a talk with some of them."

She raised her brow. "Jealous?"

"Only that I'm not the one touching you." He dropped his gaze. "I just want to be in the same room with you." As her laughter faded, he glanced back up.

"Do you know what I've missed, Chakotay?"

"What?"

"I never realized how much we did touch each other on the ship. It struck me a couple of days ago that I hadn't felt your hand on my shoulder, or my hand on your chest or arm all week, and I really missed it. I remembered how, when we walked in the corridors together, your hand would brush my back as we turned corners or entered a doorway."

He smiled and rubbed his thumb and fingers together. "As I was walking in the park this morning, I could almost feel your hand in mine."

"Soon, we can walk in the park together, and I'll hold your hand."

"I can't wait."

"I could use a hug, too."

"As many as you want, Kathryn." He breathed deeply. "I wish I could hold you in my arms right now."

She moistened her lips, and her eyes bore into his. "You've never kissed me."

"That doesn't mean I've never wanted to." He felt his body responding to her, and his eyes fell to the hint of bare thigh where her silky skirt had ridden above her knees. "I'll kiss you wherever you ask me to." He squeezed his shut and rubbed the back of neck. "Whenever," he laughed. "I meant whenever, not wherever."

When he looked up, her saucy smile made his breath catch. "You won't kiss me wherever I ask?"

"Anytime, anywhere."

A pink flush rose over her chest, and she leaned forward, propping her elbows on her knees. "I've dreamed about you."

"Good dreams, I hope."

"The kind that leave me wide awake staring at the ceiling, panting for breath, aching to feel you touch me."

"Then we've had the same dream. Tonight when you are falling asleep, I hope you'll think of me."

"Will you be thinking of me?"

He reached out and touched the screen. "Oh, yes. I think you are beautiful and vibrant. I think you deserve to feel like the passionate woman that I know you are, and I'm honored to be the man that can help you feel that way."

She glanced away, then looked back, her head tilted so that the light played over her strong profile. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be here waiting for you. Sweet dreams, Kathryn."


	9. Chapter 9

Chakotay anxiously awaited Kathryn's arrival. He had been awake since 0500, and had been at the market by 0700 to pick up a few fresh ingredients for dinner. Since that time, he had been trying, and failing miserably, to occupy himself. He'd combed his hair three times even though it was too short to matter, had straightened cushions and knick-knacks that were already orderly, and had stared at a photo of him and Kathryn together in Sandrine's until his eyes blurred; even deep breathing exercises to relax had only made him lightheaded. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he'd not been so nervous since taking the Academy entrance exam as a teenager.

Finally, at just before 1300 hours, the chime sounded. He wiped his palms on his trousers, took a deep breath, and triggered the door panel. When it slid open, they simply stood smiling at each other for a long moment.

Chakotay gathered himself enough to step back from the door. "Kathryn."

She entered, set down the bag she was carrying, and then threw her arms around him. As he lifted her in a tight hug, she turned her face to his neck and breathed, "I've missed you so much."

"I know." His nervousness fled at the joy of finally holding her in his arms. "I've missed you, too."

He gently lowered her to the ground and clasped her shoulders, wanting to see her face. She looked radiant in a soft peach dress that flowed over her curves to mid-calf. He smoothed a lock of hair from her cheek and caressed her neck with his thumb. "You look lovely."

She smiled shyly, and her hands slid up his sides and back down to his waist. She leaned into him again, and he pulled her tighter, holding her at the small of her back.

Finally, he said, "Well, we can stand like this all day, which I am perfectly happy to do, or I can get you something to drink and we'll sit."

She eased her hold on him and back up a step. "Coffee sounds good. I reserve the right to hug you again at a moment's notice, though."

"I'm all yours." Pointing to her bag, he asked, "Is that the wine?"

"Yes, plus an apple pie from my mother."

"I love your mother already." He carried the bag to kitchen counter, then collected two coffee cups from the cabinet.

She followed him, studying his frame in a cream-colored shirt that highlighted his broad shoulders and chest, and a pair of tan slacks that nicely accented another of his features. It seemed as if she was seeing him in a whole new light. He was someone who'd been a steady presence in her life for years, but now it made her heart flutter just to look at him. The tight control she had kept on her emotions as his captain was no there to insulate her from her feelings for him.

She realized he had turned to her, holding out her coffee, and her fingers brushed his as she took the cup. She sipped the hot coffee, using the time to collect herself, and then commented, "This is very good."

"It's a blend from a little shop around the corner. I spent some time the last couple of days finding places nearby that I thought you might like."

"Good, you can show me around later, and maybe we can walk in that park that you mentioned."

"I would like that." With his hand on her back, he steered her toward the sofa. As they passed his desk, she noticed several PADDs stacked beside his terminal.

"Catching up on reading?"

"Writing, actually."

"Writing?" she asked with surprise.

"Yes." He gestured for her to sit on the couch, and settled near her, close enough to touch. "Just some projects I didn't have time to do on the ship. I always kept personal logs on the more interesting civilizations we made first contact with. Right now, I'm on the Voth and writing a comparative analysis of their struggles with their belief system, and the parallels in earth's history."

"That sounds like the perfect project for you. What are your plans for it when you've finished?"

He shrugged and set his cup on the side table. "Nothing at the moment. At first, I was only attempting to organize my logs. Then, I remembered the idea I'd had for further analyzing certain cultures." He laid his hand over hers as he spoke. "This gave me a way to occupy some time in between talking to you."

She turned her palm to his and clasped his fingers. "Well, I'm sure Starfleet would be interested in you continuing the work. Perhaps you can find a way to bring it up during debriefings."

"Maybe. I'll give it some thought." He reached over with his free hand and touched her cheek, speaking softly. "Right now, I only want to think about you being here."

She turned her body toward him and tilted her head to his hand. "Our nightly conversations have meant a great deal to me, to know that you're still with me when everything else has changed. Throughout _Voyager's_ long journey, you were one constant that I depended on."

"Now, without the crew and ship, I hope I can still be a constant. You have to know by now how much I care about you."

She held his gaze and let her emotions fully show. "I hope as much as I care about you."

He leaned toward her, slid his hand under her ear, and gently touched his lips to hers. When she let go of his other hand and held his shoulders, he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. The kiss, though chaste, held a promise of the passion they had been dancing around for days. He felt her chest rise against his with a deep breath, and eased away from her.

Running his fingers through her hair, he could hardly believe that they had reached this point after all their time together. "I love you, Kathryn."

With her cheek laid against his, she gripped the back of his neck. "I love you, too, Chakotay, so much."


	10. Chapter 10

High clouds drifted through the sky, alternately obscuring and revealing the afternoon sun. The park was busier than when Chakotay took his morning walks, and children were running and laughing while groups of parents gathered around picnic tables. Chakotay and Kathryn strolled along a footpath that meandered through a quieter, cultivated garden. He smiled when she slipped her fingers between his to hold his hand.

"This is a nice park," Kathryn commented. "I don't remember this being here years ago."

"It wasn't. According to a man I met my first morning here, this park was created after the Dominion War. Much of the city had been devastated, and this area was specially formed to try to draw families back. Many of the businesses didn't rebuild, usually because the owners had died in the destruction. Bringing back homes and family activities first helped to attract people who would rebuild the shops."

"So that's why the building with the coffee shop appeared so new." She held his hand more tightly and looked off toward the apartments rising above the distant sidewalk. "I have to admit that I'm apprehensive about what I'll find when I spend more time around Headquarters. Many of my contemporaries with whom I came through the ranks are gone now, lost in the war. I could have easily been amongst them if we weren't halfway across the galaxy."

Chakotay's voice sounded deeper, sadder, when he spoke. "I've thought the same thing, only I would have been killed either along the DMZ or on Tevlik. Considering the colonies that lay along my usual routes in the _Val Jean_, there is very little chance I would have survived, nor would have the rest of the Maquis that were a part of my crew." He pulled her closer to his side, seeking her warmth. "B'Elanna, Ayala, Chell, Yosa, Jor, and all the rest - I don't have a doubt in my mind that we would all be gone, just like our friends are."

They had reached a secluded park bench that looked out over a small pond. Kathryn led him to it and sat down, waiting for him to sit before she turned toward him, still gripping his hand. "It's hard to imagine what things must have been like here. We saw our share of terrible times in the Delta Quadrant, but not like here. This is a different Federation from the one we left seven years ago, and a different Starfleet." She looked down at their joined hands and then out across the water. "I can't help but wonder if I'll fit in anymore."

"Are you saying you might not stay in Starfleet?"

"I haven't made any decisions, and I won't for a little while." She glanced back at him, searching his eyes. "I want to stay. 'Fleet is all I have ever wanted to do. But what's left for me in it?" A smile softened her expression, and she leaned her shoulder against his. "Can you see me playing ferry service for ambassadors, or patrolling borders for weeks on end?"

He chuckled and laid her hand on his thigh, then put his arm around her. "Honestly? No, not really. I'll be surprised if they don't make you an admiral, though."

"What about you, Chakotay?"

"Well, like you, I don't want to decide on anything yet. I'm happy for the moment with not being in a Federation prison. If I remain in Starfleet, I'm not sure I could serve under another captain." He kissed her cheek and then muttered in her ear. "I'm afraid you've spoiled me for any other captain or woman."

"You think so, do you?"

"Definitely." He raised his free hand to her other cheek and gently turned her lips to his for a brief kiss. When he pulled away, he dropped his arm to caress the small of her back. She utterly surprised him when she swung one leg over his and straddled his lap with her knees braced either side of him on the bench. Her soft skirt was flared enough that it still modestly covered her, but the position sent a jolt of desire through him. He gripped her hips and steadied her on his thighs.

Kathryn held his arm with one hand while the other trailed down his jaw. Her half-smile made his heart thump in his chest, and her voice slipped down his spine. "The ship is at Utopia Planetia by now, debriefings don't begin for two more days, and our mission is over. I'm no longer your captain, only a woman."

He slid his hands over her hips and rested his fingers against her buttocks. "A woman who never ceases to surprise me." He let his eyes drop down to the neckline of her dress and her full breasts. "And, who I am looking forward to seeing more of."

"Don't we have dinner plans back at your apartment?"

He quirked a brow and tilted his head toward the bench beside him. "If you still expect me to cook, I recommend you sit over there."

"I'm sure we could find a more comfortable place to sit back at your place."

He stood up, bracing her against his abdomen, and then let her slide down until her feet touched the ground. He watched a faint flush color her cheeks when she felt his erection, and held her to him. Their lips met, and this time he darted his tongue against her lips, then inside when she opened for him. Lightly, slowly, they tasted each other for the first time in a passionate kiss that left them both breathing harder on their walk home.


	11. Chapter 11

Chakotay stood at the kitchen counter dicing tomatoes, while Kathryn looked around his living room at the holo-images he had displayed. Many were of the crew, and a few showed his family. When she glanced across the room, her breath hitched at the sight of him. She slipped out of her high heels, and padded barefoot into the kitchen.

She slid her arms around his waist and reached for a piece of tomato, popping it into her mouth. She saw the corner of his mouth curl upward, and she reached for another slice. Chakotay's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, and he pulled her around to face him. Trapping her against the counter, he raised her fingers, still holding the tomato, to his lips and sucked the fruit from her grasp. He held her gaze as he swallowed and then said, "Sweet, firm but not too hard; ripened to perfection."

Her blue eyes twinkled. "You are talking about the tomato, aren't you?"

"I am." He let go of her wrist and held onto the edge of the countertop on either side of her. He lowered his head until his lips hovered above hers. "I don't have enough information to know how firm you are."

She gripped his buttocks and pulled his hips tighter against her. "Maybe you need to investigate further."

"Intensive investigation." He closed the distance between their lips, thrusting his tongue against hers when she opened with a moan. Her fingers dug into his muscles, and he wrapped her in his arms with one hand entwined in her hair and the other between her shoulder blades. The harder he pressed, the tighter she pulled him, until he had her bent backward over the counter with her breasts pushed upward against his chest.

Kathryn felt the heat of their kiss travel to her core. Arching her back and rising up on her tiptoes, she tried to get closer, to feel every inch of him. As their lips moved and their tongues darted around each other, she moaned when his growing erection pressed into her belly. She wanted more of him, wanted everything that had been denied them the last seven years. As he bent her over the counter, she raised one leg and wrapped it over his thigh.

Chakotay broke the kiss and, cradling the back of her head, licked and nipped her neck and earlobe. When he felt her heel against his knee, he reached between the counter and her buttocks and lifted her in his arms, holding her until her hands clasped together behind his neck and her legs went around his hips. Knowing she was braced now, he slid one hand up her side and cupped her breast, the silky dress she wore unable to hide her erect nipple. He massaged the soft mound and teased the peak with his thumb.

She whispered in his ear, "Chakotay, I love you."

"I love you, too, Kathryn." He shoved the cutting board and fruit farther away from them and then sat her on the counter. Sliding his hand inside the draped neckline of her dress, he freed her right breast from her bra and bent his head to lick her nipple.

She leaned her head back against the cabinet and held him to her, pushing into his warm mouth. His lips and tongue teased her, sending chills across her chest and neck. She could feel her skirt pooled around her hips, and the rough material of his slacks rubbed her inner thighs. Reaching to his waist, she gathered his shirttail and tugged it upward until she touch his skin. Her fingertips glided over his back, then around to his chest and abdomen, feeling him quiver at her touch. When he lifted his head, she slid the shirt off and dropped it to the floor, then hugged him against her bared breast.

The heat of his skin against hers brought a groan from him, and he laid his cheek on her shoulder. His voice was rougher, deeper. "God, you feel so good."

"So do you. I've wanted you like this for so long."

He stepped back and held her hands. "Come to bed with me."

She dropped her legs from his waist and stood up. Her face flushed as she looked down and tugged her dress back over to cover her breast. The sudden memory that Chakotay had never seen her naked triggered a shyness in her. She'd never been particularly fond of her body, and it had been a long time since she'd allowed a man she really cared about to touch her intimately.

At her blush, Chakotay laid his hand against her cheek and raised her head. "You're beautiful, love. Don't ever doubt that."

"You've never seen me before. Not without clothes."

"I have loved you for years, Kathryn. Not your body, not what I imagined you looked like under that uniform, but you. You are sexier to me than any woman I know." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her hair. "I want a chance to show you how beautiful you are, but not if you're uncomfortable. We don't have to do this now. I can finish cooking, you can light the candles while I pour the wine, and we'll enjoy a lovely meal together."

Telling herself she was being ridiculous, she backed out of his arms and trailed one finger down his bare chest, her eyes following. "I'm really not hungry."

He laughed and gently led her by the hand toward his bedroom. "In that case, let's go see if I can make you blush again."


	12. Chapter 12

Chakotay touched a panel on the wall inside his bedroom doorway, and soft music began to play. He turned and pulled Kathryn into his arms. "Dance with me?"

She slid her hands over his shoulders and swayed with him. "We haven't done this in a while."

"No, we haven't. Actually, we've never danced quite this way."

She laid her head on his bare chest, and felt his fingers skim the slope of her back. "I suppose we haven't. This feels nice."

He turned them in rhythm with the music, noticing how gracefully she flowed with him. "I've always thought we would be good together as a couple if we could take the risk, if there hadn't been almost a hundred-and-fifty people depending on us for everything." He closed his eyes and breathed in the subtle floral scent of her hair. "Kathryn, the way you've made me feel these last few days is worth everything to me."

She raised her head as he gently spun them again. "We are good together. So now, we take the risk, just the two of us."

He captured her lips with his and held her flush against him. When her tongue traced his bottom lip, and then slipped inside, Chakotay stilled their dancing and concentrated on the woman in his arms. As his body responded to her, he felt her hips move over him, circling against his growing erection. He worked her silky skirt up her legs until he could dip his hands underneath to feel the soft skin of her thighs and the cool satin of her panties.

Kathyrn turned her face to breathe, and then kissed her way down his neck to his chest. At his gasp, she continued on until the tip of her tongue slid over one flat nipple and then the other. Cool air breezed across her stomach as he raised her dress higher, and then his warm hands palmed her breasts. Her shyness now gone, she licked her way back up to his neck and raised her arms above her head.

Chakotay slipped her dress off and tossed it over a chair in the corner. He held her waist and roamed his eyes over the faint shimmer of her white satin bra and panties.

While he took in the sight of her, she unfastened his slacks and pushed them down until he stepped out and kicked them aside. His black briefs did little to hide his length, and she allowed her eyes to follow the outline of his hard shaft. She lightly scraped her nails up his muscular thighs and over his hips, then down his buttocks.

He felt chills erupt in the wake of her touch, and reached out to graze his knuckles across the tops of her breasts. Gently, he clasped her shoulders and urged her to sit on the end of the bed. He bent over her, laying her back, and then crawled forward, straddling her as she slid up to the pillow.

Bracing himself on his elbows, he bent down to her ear and whispered, "Just lie back and let me love you." He nipped her neck, and when she moaned and tilted her head, he worked his way down in a trail of soft kisses. When he reached her cleavage, he grazed his cheek over one breast while he slipped the other bra strap down her arm until her nipple was bared. He licked the pink tip and rubbed the pad of his thumb over it, his fingers massaging the mound.

Kathryn tipped her head back and wove her fingers through his black hair. She moaned and felt him smile before his lips closed around her nipple, sucking and nibbling. When he lowered the other strap, she pulled her arm free and raised her back to unhook her bra, tossing it to the floor.

He gazed down at her breasts dotted with tiny freckles. Turning his face to their softness, he roamed one hand over the slight swell of her stomach, and along the band of her panties. When his hand slipped lower, cupping her sex, her hips thrust upward and her fingers curled in his hair.

He crawled lower on the bed, trailing his lips down her skin as he went. Without pause, he worked his way down until he nipped her clitoris through the satin. Her body spasmed, and a gasp hissed through her teeth. He nipped her again, and then circled his thumb over the material.

When she bent her knees up, Chakotay lay between her thighs, the pressure of the bed on his throbbing erection a welcome relief. He hooked his arms around her legs and slipped one hand under the band of her panties, lightly pinching her clit. He licked the inside of her thigh in long, wet strokes, and then turned to the other one. The material dampened with her arousal, and her heat felt warm against his cheek. He teased apart the lips of her sex and pressed his finger to the tiny button as he sucked on the sensitive flesh at the bend of her thigh.

Kathryn arched her back and gripped his arms. Her stomach had drawn taut, and she could feel her orgasm rising. She wasn't surprised, considering how long it had been since she'd felt a lover's touch. The fact that, finally, it was Chakotay touching her increased her body's responses. Only when she looked down did she realize that they were both still in their underwear.

"Chakotay." He raised his head, and his eyes, black with desire, bore into hers. "Take them off."

He smiled and slid off the bed to stand up. Remembering her earlier unease, he undressed first so that she wouldn't feel vulnerable at being exposed while he wasn't. He lowered his briefs and stepped out of them, then stood still for a couple of seconds as her gaze traveled over his long, thick shaft. When he bent forward and slipped the satin down her legs, his length pulsed and his breath caught at the sight of her.

He crawled back up the bed and lay down beside her, slipping one arm under her head while his other hand skimmed over her sides and hips. "You're more beautiful than I imagined, love."

Kathryn turned on her side to face him and slipped one hand between them. She caressed his shaft with a light touch of exploration. When his eyes closed, she kissed him and then licked his bottom lip. "Did you imagine us together a lot?"

His voice was breathy and low. "More often than I should have."

"Did you ever touch yourself when you thought of me?"

"A lot more often than I should have," he said with smile. He opened his eyes and stared into hers as he slipped one finger through her moisture. "What about you? Did you touch yourself when you thought of me?"

She bit her bottom lip and nodded. "Only you, Chakotay. I only ever imagined being with you."

A small whimper escaped her when he circled her clit. He whispered in her ear, "I dreamed that I watched you make yourself come as you cried out my name."

A flush rose up her neck, and he didn't know if it was arousal or embarrassment. He suspected the former as her hips thrust against his hand, and her fingers closed tighter around his erection. When she spoke, her tone told him he had guessed correctly.

"Sometimes dreams are reality." As he increased his pressure, her eyes grew heavy-lidded. She let go of him and tugged on his hip. "I want to feel you inside me."

He rolled her to her back and stretched out over her as she opened herself to him. Bracing on one elbow, he slid his hard shaft along her folds, slipping over her sensitive pearl several times before pausing at her opening. Slowly, he entered her, savoring the sensations of sliding into her wet heat. When his hips were flush against hers, he watched her eyes squeeze shut.

"Am I hurting you?"

She opened her eyes and gripped his buttocks. "I'm okay. It's just been a while."

"I'm sorry."

"No, please." She raised her head and pressed her lips to his, one hand caressing his cheek. "I'm fine."

He eased out halfway and gently rocked his hips, feeling her stretch around him. As she relaxed, he pushed deeper until once against he was fully sheathed inside of her. This time, he could feel her moving against him and her heels pushing into the bed. "Okay now?"

"Yes."

Her whisper hissed in his ear as Chakotay laid his cheek against hers and slid his hands under her shoulders. When her legs wrapped over his thighs, he began sliding in and out of her, his deep breaths punctuated with quiet groans. Each thrust she made to meet him grew stronger, so he quickened his pace, following her lead.

Kathryn pushed her head back into the pillow and ran her nails over his broad back. The pressure inside her grew as he filled her completely, and she gave herself over to the sensations. Closing her eyes, she pushed her knees farther apart, attempting to pull him deeper. Chills rose over skin, her nipples tightened, and she parted her lips as she gasped. She didn't hold back as her moans grew louder and she strained toward her release.

He rose up on his elbows as he felt her tensing. The passion on her face warmed his body more, the heat building low in his stomach. Thrusting harder, faster, he plunged into her as deep as he could go, pushing upward to increase her pleasure. The bite of her nails digging into his back told him she was close. He rocked his hips, holding her to him, as his length swelled with his own quickly approaching climax. When her chin tilted upward with the arch of her neck, he felt her tremors begin.

As Kathryn's orgasm seized her and she cried out, he drove into her again and again until his hips locked and his muscles spasmed. He dropped his head to her shoulder with a roar as her walls squeezed his pumping shaft. Her arms slid around his shoulders, holding him tightly, until they both were spent, trembling against each other.

She combed his damp hair away from his forehead, her soft touch soothing him and her legs relaxing onto the bed. When he started to pull out of her, she tightened her hold. "Stay."

"I'm too heavy for you."

"No, you feel wonderful."

"Then I'll stay."

They rested with their bodies pressed together, exchanging gentle kisses and caresses.


	13. Chapter 13

Chakotay stood in the kitchen dicing the rest of the tomatoes he'd started earlier. Kathryn sat on a stool beside him, her fingers loosely wrapped around a wine glass on the counter. Soft music still played from the bedroom, and the scent of candles on the table mingled with that of the sweet peppers and mushrooms simmering in a pan.

Chakotay finished the last tomato, then sipped his wine before leaning over to brush his lips across Kathryn's. "I hope you're getting hungry now."

"I seem to have worked up an appetite."

He kissed her again, more deeply than before, and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I consider that work an ongoing project."

"Is that so?"

"Mm hm." He stepped between her legs, his thighs pushing her skirt of her dress up to her hips. Cupping her face in his hands, he smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks. "I'm hoping for a long-term project on the two of us."

She slid her arms around his waist and hooked her heels behind his knees. "So am I, Chakotay. Voyager's mission may be over, but ours is just beginning. We have a lifetime to journey together."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and eased her head to his shoulder. He had so much he wanted to say to her, that he found himself nearly speechless. He exhaled a shaky breath and mumbled against her hair, "I'm glad, because I will love you for the rest of my life."

He stood holding her for a long, quiet moment, and then kissed her temple and stepped back. "Well," he said, clearing his throat, "dinner will be ready soon. Why don't you slice the bread and put the salad on the table while I finish up."

As she smiled and slid off the stool, walking barefoot around him to the other counter, he was reminded of how small she was. Chakotay felt a protective urge welling up inside him - a need to keep her safe and happy no matter the cost. On the ship, he'd often had to push those feelings away in deference to her position. Without that barrier, he found it much more difficult to do. He knew she wouldn't stand for being coddled, and he never wanted to suppress her independent nature. Still, he longed to tuck her against his side and make sure nothing ever again harmed her or made her unhappy.

With the thought that maybe he couldn't shelter her, but he could wine and dine her, he tossed the tomatoes into the simmering pan. He added a little white wine, then left the mixture to reduce as he filled a shallow serving bowl with pasta. Within minutes, the table was set, the lights had been dimmed and candles lit, and he held out her chair as she took her seat.

"This smells delicious, Chakotay."

"Thank you." He filled her plate, and then sat across from her and served himself. After refilling their wine glasses, he watched as she took her first bite. The candlelight shimmered on her hair and flickered in her blue eyes, and her silky dress flowed with her movements.

She glanced up and caught the look on his face. "What are thinking of this time?" she teased.

He shook his head and chuckled. "Only watching you, like I have wanted to so many times in the past. It's wonderfully freeing to not have to suppress how you affect me."

"I won't ever ask you to do that again, Chakotay. You know that, don't you?"

He leaned back in his chair and stroked his thumb across the edge of his plate. His voice and expression turned serious. "Honestly, I wasn't sure. We still have the debriefings to get through." He held up his hand to stop her interruption. "Don't worry, we will maintain the same professional relationship we had on the ship. I'd hoped that, after that is all over, we wouldn't have to hide how we feel from anyone." He paused, uncertainty clouding his eyes.

She laid down her fork and reached across the table for his hand, threading her fingers through his. "I won't hide from anyone at any time. Yes, there is a level of professionalism we are expected to maintain as Starfleet officers. But, I don't care who finds out about us, or when. We spent years sacrificing our feelings for one another, and I'm pretty sure our crew knows that. I'm not willing to spend another minute denying my love for you."

A weight that he hadn't realized he'd been holding lifted from his shoulders. "I do love you, Kathryn."

"And I love you." Her bright smile sent a tingle through his body. "Are you going to eat, or sit there and stare at me all evening?"

He kissed her fingers, then let go of her hand and picked up his fork. "I'm a man of many talents. I think I can do both."

Her laughter tinted her cheeks, and he forgot to chew until she began to eat again.


	14. Chapter 14

_Voyager's _crew entered the Starfleet Headquarters conference room, filing past their captain and commander in the corridor. Debriefing would begin that morning and all hands were on deck, including an infant Miral cradled in the arms of her mother, who rolled her eyes more than once at the doting, holographic EMH sticking close to her side. Kathryn and Chakotay greeted each crew member with a warm smile and an inquiry of how their week had gone. The command team was glad to learn that those who didn't have family near enough to visit yet had been taken in by friends from the ship, so they'd all enjoyed a week of soft beds, homecooked meals, and time to begin acclimating again to life planet-side.

After the last crew member had passed, Chakotay turned to Kathryn. He kept his stance professional, but his eyes reflected his love. "Are you ready, Captain?"

She glanced around at the rows of men and women who had served so closely together over the years. "They seem relaxed."

"I'm sure they are. I think the time off was good for everyone."

"This is it, then."

"This is what?"

She looked up at him with a rueful smile. "This is when I try to explain the last seven years to people who have no hope of understanding."

He chuckled. "I guess it is. Are you expecting difficulties?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I tell myself that we pulled off a miracle, and that the fact we are here now proves we made the right decisions." Her gaze drifted to the wall behind him. "And then, I ask myself what I missed. Was there something that I didn't do but should have? Is there a member of the crew I didn't help enough? Will I be reprimanded for taking too many risks, or not taking enough?"

Chakotay lowered his head in thought, and then looked her in the eye. "If there was something you missed, then I missed it, too. If a crewman fell through the cracks, then it was my fault because it was my responsibility." His voice softened. "The risks you took were because the lives of everyone sitting in that room depended on you, and every one of us trusted you to make the hard decisions. I couldn't share that responsibility with you, nor could Tuvok or anyone else. But you're right; the fact that we are here is a miracle, and you are responsible for that."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Chakotay."

"I wouldn't have wanted to do it without you." He fought the urge to pull her into his arms and took a deep breath instead. "Starfleet will understand, because we will make them understand." He nodded toward their crew. "All of us will make them see that no other captain could have pulled off what you have."

Kathryn reached out and briefly squeezed his hand. "It wasn't easy, was it?"

"No, it wasn't, but we made it."

Three admirals entered the conference room from a small side chamber and stepped up on a raised dais.

Chakotay stretched his arm toward the door. "It's time, Captain."

She squared her shoulders, turned on her heel to the doorway, and then waved him to her side. "Together, Commander."

Chakotay joined her and matched his step to hers. "Always."


End file.
